sad and hurt enough..my world turn dark

im extreamly sad now,this moment..
today i realize who am i in your eyes.
im not a good girl...im not able to trust.
my sky turn dark...i cant feel anything now,
feel cold....scary...
you know how i feel when u say out those words?
you thought i purposely want to make yo worry?
am i those kind of people always go out 'wet' ?
is it because i have car only you think i can go 'wet' without telling you? tell you the truth here, if i really wanna do so, no need to give me a car i will also can do it!!!!!!! please think of me!!!!
u know me from the day i born , but you still think that im this kind of girl..
in your eyes, i am like tat? what i had did so far , for you is just nothing....today i finally know and again prove that, you are not trusting me at all!

actually i know u din't trust me when i was secondery,
you have stalk me !! i knew it !
send me to school and park the car far away from gate and watched me!!!! see whether im going to other places?! you know, when that moment i know you do this to me how sad i am?
because prove that you are not trusting me !
today, again! u don't trust your girl!!!! at all...
i never say im very geng now! i never think about that, i can earn now so i can do whatever i want! i never!!! but , you though im like this!? why!!!!!!
why cursing me? im doing my assignments and test,i ask myself, i really work hard..mayb not very hard.. but i really did on it, but plz don cursing me. im not as good as sister, i know it..
i specheless, nothing to say, no need to defence, because from the begining, you are not allow me to do so. what for i defence myself? for let you scold more badly?
do you know just now i was sweating when im driving, do u know how scare am i when i driving >100km/h in LDP...im scare i know its dagerous.. but wat to do.

you know how hurt am i when u said those words on me? nobody will know except me.
im not saying tat im really a 100% good girl who stay at home 24 hours and b like wat in ur mind. i don't know wat i suppose to do now instead of kill myself, mayb tis is the best way.
no need worry on me anymore, no need scold anymore..
please don't always say you are alone there working hard. i know all of that. but meaing wat? u give me presure...stress..u can spread out urs to me but who can i spread my stressness to? both of you ...i know both situation, but plz don't pushing me, i will collaps soon..very soon, i can feel myself heavy now, cant move, can't talk ,cant think tears is droping without crying.
is hard to say out here, many people will think that im not mature if im still saying this.
today, i finally know the feeling that heartbreaking. pain. sad but still laughing on myself like a mad girl.